Madison von Rissen’s Story

I am ready to tell my story. . .

June 8th, 2018: I was just a 15-year-old girl. I had absolutely no idea what was gonna happen that day.  I was sexually assaulted by someone I never would’ve guessed it would’ve been. I kept quiet for way too long and I’ve finally found my voice to speak about this.

This guy that was close with my family and he was a year older than me came to a pool party. . . When I was in the pool he started touching my butt and I thought, maybe it was just an accident - then he did it two more times. I was thinking to myself “What is this dude doing?”. 

Then he whispered in my ear “I’ve waited for this for so long.”

I said, “ What do you mean, like a relationship?” He whispered in my ear “yes” and “I thought for a long time one day we would get together”. And he took advantage of it. He backed up and said, “Meet me in the house upstairs in 5 minutes”. I went upstairs and he kissed me, and I’m not gonna lie, I kissed him back, and then he heard someone come in the house and he pushed me out of the bathroom and slammed the door. So I went to my room and I started brushing my hair thinking what just happened?

Then my door swings open and he whips his dick out and said “Baby can you give me head?” I started crying and said, “No I can’t do that”. He kept asking why and I just kept saying no, I don’t feel like it, please, don’t force me. Then he said “Well, can we have sex?” so I started crying even more and I said “No, I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it, I’m not ready, I’m only 15.” Then he grabbed me by my wrists and pushed me down on my bed. He grabbed me by the neck and started dry humping me. I couldn’t breathe because I was crying and I had tears running down my face. Then at one point, he pulled me up by my wrists and dry humped me from behind. I felt dizzy and felt like fainting - then the door downstairs opened and he ran to the bathroom. I fell to the floor. Then I wiped off my tears and started getting dressed. My mom knew something was wrong right away, but I pushed her away because I was afraid she wasn’t gonna believe me. I will never forget what happened to me that day. I just remember crying nonstop whenever I had even a thought about it. I had to keep my mouth shut because I was scared. I had given up all hope and would have suicidal thoughts repetitively . . . I acted upon it one time and I’m glad I didn’t die because I couldn’t make my difference now . . . I wouldn’t be speaking up right now saying this . . . 

This changed my entire life . . . I spiraled out of control for a long time and then I finally was diagnosed with depression . . . I tried to trace back why I even had it, then I finally knew . . . And you were the biggest factor into my depression . . . The biggest reason why I cut my hair was to represent the fact that I needed to change . . . And so did my lifestyle . . . I still struggle to keep my positive attitude but I’m keeping my head up . . . And I’m going to keep fighting . . . But on a positive note, I’m more aware of my surroundings and I’m so much stronger. That experience changed my life and showed me that I don’t have to be nice to people if they say something or do something rude or even disrespectful. I am Madison Von Rissen and I am a survivor of sexual assault.