It’s Never Too Early
By Lexi Koster, BScH
Before my first year of university, the words “rape” or “sexual assault” never crossed my mind, and certainly were not a part of regular discourse in my social circle. For the entirety of my upbringing, this topic was given very little space in education and meant that I was blind to the realities faced by women, children, and other vulnerable populations who live with this trauma every day. It was not until the beginning of my undergrad when not one, but six of my friends disclosed their traumas to me that I began to realize the gravity of this issue in our society. I found myself holding space in my heart for these disclosures, but had no clue how to respond. I felt guilty that I didn’t know more, and angry that no one ever prepared me. I wanted to learn as much as I could about sexual violence, why it happens, and most importantly, how to respond to disclosures in a way that validates survivors.
In embarking on this quest for knowledge, I took a job at Queen’s University as a Sexual Violence Prevention Educator. For four years, I collaborated with academics and professionals in the field to deliver students and faculty up-to-date, comprehensive sexual violence prevention education. Near the end of my time in this role, I had the opportunity to work with the team to revitalize the program, tweak what didn’t work, and polish what did. In one of these meetings, we conversed about how little incoming first year students know about consent, how to be an active bystander, and how to respond to disclosures. Given that the vast majority of campus assaults occur within the first few weeks on campus, it would be wise to provide this education and start dialogues before the beginning of term. Sure, universities are obligated to give students a presentation on consent before their first night in residence, but many skip these presentations or have trouble listening attentively due to the hustle-and-bustle of moving into a new space and suddenly living with 30 strangers. Not to mention, these presentations do very little in the way of opening up the floor for conversation, for asking questions, and for applied learning.
After this meeting, I thought to myself, what if we DID provide comprehensive sexual violence education to students before they head off into the world? What if we started having these conversations earlier so that students have the chance to work with the material, internalize it, and ask questions? What if we stopped thinking “they are too young to learn” and started thinking “they deserve to learn for the safety of themselves and others.”
So I left my job at Queen’s, took what I had learned in those amazing four years, and developed a series of workshops designed to teach students grades 4-12 about consent, setting boundaries, bodily autonomy, the bystander effect, responding to disclosures, and much more. I also developed a workshop for parents who want to talk to their children about these issues, but do not know where to start.
I have spent the last year facilitating these workshops for kids and their families and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. Students thank me for creating a safe space to ask the questions they have been harbouring for years. Parents thank me for helping them teach their children how to protect themselves and others. Teachers thank me for opening up a dialogue which as an authority figure, can sometimes be difficult to navigate.
Reflecting back on my work, the main thing I have learned is that kids are ready to have these hard conversations, it is the adults who are not. Kids have questions, have concerns, and want to know how they can help others, so why do we deny them the opportunities to explore this? The research shows that talking to kids early about consent and sexual violence does not increase the speed or frequency at which they engage in sexual activity. Rather it equips them with the knowledge they need to build healthy relationships, set boundaries, respect others’ boundaries, and prepare them for intervening in potentially dangerous situations.
If your school or your child’s school does not currently provide comprehensive sexual violence education, I highly recommend looking into it! You will not regret it and the kids will thank you for it!
